Hidden Desire Exposed
The idea of summer for me is always accompanied with trips, beaches, and summer heat. Along with these experiences is my desire to build a sand castle which is actually one of my frustrations when I was a child. Because I was not that creative enough, I always envied my eldest brother who used to build beautiful and wonderful castles and towers by the seashore.
Couple of weeks ago, I had this chance of fulfilling my childish frustration. I spent hours building my castle by the beautiful seashore of an incredible island. Knowing that I’m old enough and more able to create things, I had tried to fashion my desire, but little did I know that the experience was much bigger than my prior knowledge.
I told myself that I’m going to build a castle… my castle. I dug. I formed. With no particular shape in mind, I just continued to fashion the sand.
As I was doing my castle, I was surprised to be led to a cross-like shaped of a castle. I was mesmerized. I never really thought of it. Actually, I did not want to sound a bit religious in fulfilling my desired castle. However, as far as I know, sand is a powerful way of unveiling the desires of our hearts in a therapy.
As I finished my castle, I was reminded, “Perhaps, it’s not really a castle that I want in the future; but just a home with Christ in it.” It’s more appealing and desirable to me to have a family who will follow the One I’m serving than a castle with a family who does not know whom to believe in. Thus, a hidden desire was once again unveiled.
“For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life?”
Adam
I had been in a series of romantic relationships, and it’s a lie to say that I did not get hurt, dumped, and rejected. I am also fooling myself if I say that my trust with men is flawless, blameless, and unbreakable. Actually, it’s the total opposite. After my break-ups, I used to see men (in generalization) as manipulators, liars, and users. [I’m sorry for those men reading this article. I might be hurting you for generalizing, but feel free to continue reading.]
And so, I really made this huge defense, metaphorically speaking, in front of me to protect myself from getting hurt the same way again. Defenses such as, avoiding to wear clothes that would make me look stunningly beautiful; fleeing from any conversation and proximity with a guy; pretending that I could do everything for myself without any help from someone, especially a guy; and even appearing to be ‘smart’ enough so that men would be intimidated to approach me.
At a certain point of time, I knew I was winning. Men could not get to me any closer. Simple ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ were enough to end any conversation. However, when reality strikes, it really strikes hard. The countless nights of tears and fears are too overwhelming. Truth is, companionship is one of the deepest desires of humanity, and I know I am not excused with it.
I have tried to prove that fate could be changed in me. However, I have learned that the more I act, oppositely, the more I lose myself, adversely. With all those defenses, I realize that they taught me how to lose myself, little by little. I was starting to lose my confidence, my hope, my connection, and my life to love; not until I understood that, establishing defenses to avoid getting hurt is as good as raising a white flag. It might somehow give you a sense of protection and connection, but its effect is frightening for fate is surrendered into the hands of a stranger who could be the worst traitor one could ever had.
From then on, I never looked upon men the same way again. As Les Miserables stated a simple yet powerful words, “to love another person, is to see the face of God”, my eyes have seen that men are as valuable, as loveable, as wonderful, as incredible, as indescribable, and as good as their Maker in their own and unique ways.
-Samantha
Permission to Hurt
Love takes risk; it’s impossible to love without taking into account the possibility that one way or another, one party will fail the other – deliberately or accidentally.
I’m not saying that when we love, we should always hurt each other; definitely not. But what I am saying is, our natural tendency to fail ourselves and even the people that we love most. It’s a fact not an opinion. I have never met a couple nor a family who ‘perfectly’ loves each other and who has pain in its absence. Every growing relationship learns that pain is part of gaining more and loving deeper. Someone who misses that point misses half of his life from learning the essence of pain in relationships. Consider the following facts:
One, pain warns us that something isn’t right. When we neglect this, we are prone to danger and much worse than that, we are already in danger. I had this experience when I accidentally cut a small tip of my pointing finger using a paper cutter. The pain was totally inexplicable. I realized, if there’s no pain, I would totally ignore my wound and would just let blood flow from my finger which could harm me even more. Same thing in every relationship. If we ignore a small portion of our hurt because of our being ‘too much understanding’, time will come that small wound can be infected in ways which we do not imagine; and the last thing we know, we are nearing the end of a breaking relationship.
Two, pain leads to healing. Pain brings not just negative effects in our lives but it can also bring positive things. When I cut my finger, I asked the nurse why was it still aching when medicine was already applied? She told me, “It’s because your cells are doing their job to conceal and repair the broken tissue.” I know it might sound a little bit weird, but I think that’s the best explanation I heard in that state. When we are in pain, all we have to do is to feel its sting. We cry. Others talk about it; and many drown themselves in their own ways of coping. It is in our deepest and darkest state that we learn to let go and move on. Thus, personal healing follows, and we emerge as wiser and better individuals. However, if we choose the opposite, we choose to kill ourselves. We lose hope.
There could be a lot more facts that we can learn from pain. What I have written are just examples to prove that in every relationship, it’s impossible not to get hurt. So, we must always be reminded that each time we allow people to come in our lives or even when we love, we are giving them permission to hurt us and make us better individuals. You might ask, “Why am I so certain about this?” It’s because, more than two thousand years ago, my Ultimate Lover took all the shame and pain to reconcile with me even though I do not deserve it. Thus, such act of love has made me a better person of today than yesterday.
“…looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2
Catch Your Wave
I just had one of the best moments of my life, and that’s surfing! For an ordinary person like me who doesn’t know how to swim, surfing could be a no, no; of course, anything could happen during the session. However, as I watched the beautiful scenery of waves being tossed in the air and the bright rays of the sun inviting me to join the party, I had decided to give surfing the chance to teach me some things that I have to learn. As we, my instructor and I, approached the sea, I thought, “Will I be able to stand up on this surfing board? If I would, how many tries will it take me?” And so, a simple plan was created and that was to count all the attempts that I would have.
I always had tremendous wipe outs, and I just laughed so hard for myself. When I reached 10 attempts, I felt shame not because I couldn’t stand up on the surfing board but for my trainer who kept on encouraging and teaching me to never give up and just keep on trying. When my counting reached 14, I told him, “I’m on my 14th and still, I can’t stand up on this board!” He told me, “Stop counting your mistakes. Let’s get back to zero. Okay… hold… ready… and go!” AND I DID IT! I felt for the first time the waves underneath my board; I saw the seashore coming closer; and I heard my instructor gladly shouting that I really did it. It took me 14 attempts and on my 15th, surfing has taught me a lot: 1. Stop counting your mistakes; Start hoping for a good ride. Focusing on my mistakes will do me no good. It will just give me ideas on how to fail all over again. But when I started to breathe and hope that I would be able to make it, somehow I know that there’s a sudden shift of perspectives. 2. Always protect yourself when you fail from another danger. My coach taught me that if I get out of balance and fall, first thing to do is to protect myself from my own board for I am more important than it. Indeed, I am more important than my failures. So in every mistake, I must make sure that I am giving importance on myself by protecting it and not be consumed by my failure. 3. Learn to catch your good wave. Not all waves are good. I got wiped-out once by a not-so-good one… and it’s annoying and frustrating. The not-so-good wave first appeared to be exciting because of its hugeness. However, in the middle of my ride, it just led me nowhere and another wave overpowered me. I was reminded that there are people and opportunities which appear to be just like that kind of wave. Before engaging with them fully, I must make sure to give my full blast little by little or else, they will just trample me. 4. Ride with the waves and it will lead you to the shore, safely. My instructor told me, “I notice that your movement is not that straightforward. Usually a beginner would just have straight direction but you have some twists and tricks following the waves.” I answered, “Yeah. It’s because I play with the waves and it is fun.” Sometimes when problems are at hand, people panic and they have the tendency to go before them. But I have learned that all we have to do is to know how to balance and ride with those challenges. If we are able to ride with them properly, we will notice that they are the same aids that will help us get back to the shore, peacefully. 5. Be courageous enough to take the risk. Before my instructor and I departed, he told me that not all people can survive surfing. If one’s heart is weak and will just focus on his failures, he can’t stand surfing and will not enjoy the joy that it brings. He’s right. If I was still too weak to accept my defeat, I couldn’t engage with God’s nature. If I decided not to join the session because I was so afraid of anything that might happen to me, perhaps, I missed half of my life by letting go of a wonderful opportunity which was not given to everyone. Same with life… there are moments that we need to take risk before we get to see the results. All we need to do is to have is a discerning and courageous heart to accept whether defeat or victory. After my first stand on my board, I still experienced to fail a lot of times. But what matters most to me right now is the time to be engaged with my waves all over again…
The Trail
Months ago, I was totally rebuked harshly by one of my “friends”. He’s not new to me and because of the special kind of relationship I had with him, I openly accepted all of his accusations which were really true. But after that, I had chosen to stay away because I was really hurt by the words that he used.
I like going to different places; I like traveling and just last week, I had this rare privilege to join a 5-day Sagada trip. The journey was an 11 to 12-hour travel by land. It involved some sort of trekking, walking, gliding, and even climbing. I totally enjoyed the trip. We passed through an incredible cave for two hours which has cold water and huge beautiful rocks in it; trudged along cliffy mountains and a village’s rice terraces for almost an hour (one way only) just to get to a big waterfall called, “Bomod-ok”; and followed some mystery trails leading to some ancient hanging coffins.
Seemingly, it’s just easy for me to say these experiences but actually I really had undergone great struggle during the trip. I cannot take away the fact that I almost gave up from trekking along those dangerous cliffs. My breathing was not good; I didn’t undergo training nor get some cool advice from any experts. I got a lot of unnoticed bruises and wounds. However, I noticed that the more I conquered one great experience from another, the more I desire to achieve higher. And now, all I have are stories of my team’s conquer.
This experience cannot stop me from relating it to my life’s learning. After reaching the peak of the mountain joyfully, exiting the dark cave safely, and seeing the coffins daringly, I realize all of our struggles have a great hold on us. They have the power to hold us forever if we let them to. Each trail is a mark of our experiences whether good or bad, happy or sad. Struggles will always be there for us as long as we live. As my knees trembled as I followed the trail towards my destination and as my breath struggled as I fought the uselessness that I felt, hope victoriously emerged as I noticed that I have reached the peak, finished the course, and declared that I have won over my battle.
My friend is right with the words that he presented to me – that I was inconsistent, immature and so on and so forth. However, I’d like to personally thank him for telling me the truths about me though it hurts. I know that he’s been used by God to remind me who I was before and who I am now today. He’s been used to remind me of all the pains and struggles that I have been through just like what I had experienced in my trip, but what matters most is the person that I am now after all those terrible things that happened. Though I already have that undying pain caused by unforgettable events, nothing compares to God’s sovereignty in my life; How His saving grace has redeemed me from darkness and transferred me into His light, how His unconditional love has accepted me wholly and fully despite my ability to fail Him again and again, and how His tender and loving mercy has picked me up from the deepest pit that I’ve been through. With these, more mountains to conquer and more caves to master!
Clash
Don’t blame me for the miff inside
Don’t blame me for the waterworks in those eyes
A matter of choice, a mouthful of lies
Which of which truly reside?
I had just showed you a way;
You’ve fled, but you’ll come another day
You cannot run, nor can’t you hide
For reality takes your lonely stride.
-Heart
I Dream
I dream of a relationship that will make me laugh until I cry… I dream of a relationship that can cry with me when my heart’s in terrible pain… I dream of a relationship that simply love the world as it is and enjoy the benefits that we can receive from above… I dream of a relationship that can simply hold my hand – nothing more, nothing less – but feels like it’s already holding the whole of me… I dream of a relationship that will honor my family, my friends, and my God more than me… I dream of a relationship that feels like heaven by his side… I dream of a relationship that conquers all foes because its love is pure and sincere… I dream of a relationship that’s persevering and responsible enough to make wise and sound decisions… I dream of a relationship that can discover and accept the funny side of mine and even the nasty side I possess… I dream of a relationship that knows how imperfect I am, yet still managed to make me feel special and complete…
I dream of a relationship that can just cry because no words are enough to contain the overflowing love he can bestow upon me…
I dream of a relationship where I can run and hide because of the security it can offer…
I dream of a relationship that doesn’t take advantage when I am weak nor feel inferior when I am strong…
I dream of a relationship that can say how much he needs me…
I dream of a relationship that can enjoy the loudness of this world and even the silence of our soul…
I dream of a relationship that can just simply look into my eyes and read the unspoken words they contain…
I dream of a relationship that will still choose me even the ecstasy of love diminishes…
I dream of a relationship that is more willing to sacrifice his own agenda just to be with me…
I dream of a relationship that I can enjoy even if the Author of this life takes away my life…
I dream of a relationship that finds it impossible to attain what I have written, yet still try to reach the unreachable…
Lastly, I dream of a relationship that will let me do everything I have mentioned above with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength…
I dream.
Stranger in my Defense
We all have our own defenses in life… defenses which are built by pain, doubt, confusion, and fear. Don’t get it wrong. In fact, they aim to protect the person inside from being damaged. Who wants to get hurt easily, in the first place? Of course, no one. Even the plants and animals have their own defense mechanisms. However, no matter how tall, huge, and strong our defenses are in our own estimation, there will always come a time when these defenses are being penetrated by their own limitations.
Mine was penetrated by a stranger. Out of nowhere, she blocked me from putting another stone to fortify my defense. Nevertheless, as our conversation started to get a little bit deeper, I recognized that she’s not actually stopping me from building my wall unlike some other penetrators do. As we have our little chat, I have learned from her life that:
1. Defenses are a natural reaction when we’ve been hurt, especially a couple of times. Don’t get guilty about that; however, what matters most as you build your defenses is your ability to renew, encourage, and transform the person inside those defenses… and that person is YOU. You should not remain desolate and discouraged. If that’s the case, your defense is not a defense anymore but a cave of fear.
2. Not all penetrators seek to destroy; some can give comfort and support. Don’t be afraid to let some ‘strangers’ enter your place but of course, it requires great caution. For one, some would just want to take a look and pretend to be of help. But their sincerity is tested when chaos started to penetrate. These onlookers choose to take control of your defense instead of allowing and trusting you to be in-charge. In contrast, there are strangers who get attracted to your wall not just to pretend to help but because they know how to help. They know how to for in reality, they see their defenses on yours. They do not take control but they cheer your ability to control.
Indeed, “it takes a while to know a stranger,” as one movie says. As the journey of our lives is a stranger to us, help will always unfold its way to those who deserve it. As you fortify the defense of your life, make it also a place of comfort and peace to those who need it. For our broken lives should not remain as a place of desolation and destruction for in such a case, life can’t be called as ‘life’, instead, it should be a place of rebirth and renewal as what life really deserves.
Sharing a Little Heaven
Some people say that life is fair while others would raise their hands and testify that it isn’t and will never be fair; perhaps, it’s one good reason why there are certain people who would choose to have miserable lives… perhaps. But as for me, my experience that Sunday morning paved a way for me to understand something more in this life.
I was all dressed up to attend a usual Sunday mass. Before I leave our house, I made it sure that I am ready to face the great heat of this summer. I had a cool splash of clear water and the last thing that I put in my bag was my hand fan. Now, as I had approached a public non-air-conditioned vehicle, I noticed that there were things loaded inside of that vehicle which blocked the way of anyone getting in. In short, getting in was never easy, plus the tiny bits of sweat running through my body and face… they just slightly annoyed me.
As I found my seat, I admit that I was really irritated. I tried to figure out the things inside. There’s a wheelchair, next to it was an opened bag filled with dirty clothes, and there’s another huge bag just in front of me. Then I noticed that I was with people who most of them (maybe) were not yet taking their baths. They’re all sweating. So, just imagine the smell, if you were me… mind to say, we were 16 people inside that vehicle.
As I lifted up my head, I observed that there was a disabled person. I cannot figure out his illness. But I am certain that the person cannot walk nor talk. He’s also shaking. He was being accompanied by someone, his mother, I supposed. The woman was holding a tore cardboard piece which she used to fan him. While looking at them from time to time, my irritation lessened… eventually it was substituted by compassion. Then I thought, “Obviously, they never wanted to be in that situation. Who wants to be in it by the way? No one! But this life has been like that to them. I neither can point my finger upward and ask Him nor can point my finger at my neighbor and blame him. ‘Putting my shoe to theirs’ would feel like hell. Yeah… perhaps, it feels like hell for them. Worst scenario will be, if the father left them with nothing. What else can I do to make them feel a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world? ”
Then, I remembered my fan. It is larger than usual. I bought it in a fund-raising mission some months ago. I have to admit that all through my ride, I struggled to give it away. It is because the climate was really hot but more than that, I thought, ‘Would this be enough?’ Of course, the answer is no. However, the thought of a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world came up to my mind. And so, before I leave our stop and as I wait to hold the wheelchair and support it while the woman is transferring him, I made it sure that I would be able to give my fan away.
As I was continuing my travel to my destination, I was reflecting. For them, perhaps, life is unfair. There are some situations which we really can’t fully explain why they’re happening to us, especially to the ‘good ones’. But as for me by now, I realized… by sharing a little love to such people, we are giving them a little taste of heaven and a little taste that life could not always be unfair.
Hope in Brokenness
When I was a child, I always believe that love will always have a happy ending. I saw a lot of couples getting married with their longings being satisfied; reflected back from their seemingly undying smiles and laughter. And I knew that there’s a deep desire within me that longs to discover such magical feeling of satisfaction… finding and being with the one whom I love for the rest of my life.
However, now that I have grown old, I discover that love will always have its scratches, wounds, and scars which cannot be removed from the idea of a happy ending. In this life, it seems like happiness cannot exist without the idea of sadness, and sadness creeps in when the idea of happiness is absent. In this journey, I also have found out that not all love affairs are meant to be fixed. Meaning, there are relationships which are bound to be broken. It’s hard to accept it, I know… but that’s how reality works for some.
Despite these realities that I have observed in matters of love, I also notice that it’s a good thing that there’s always an offer of HOPE. As an eagle rises above the raging storm enjoying its pressure to glide and rest, hope rises above the level of uncertainty, rests in the middle of heartbreaks, and refreshes a worn-out person from a long and tiring journey. Indeed, a love affair that longs for a happy ending should acknowledge the purpose of hope in it, with it, and through it.
Everyday Deserves a Chance
Happy New Year!
Whether you believe it or not, I just spent my New Year’s eve trying to ignore the loud noise brought by fireworks and loud music. I was in bed trying to fall asleep as if I was not hearing anything (even my mom’s call). I missed the beauty of fireworks and I missed the opportunity to enjoy what life brought me at that moment. All I know, something’s hindering me from celebrating that blessed midnight.
Then as I recall, perhaps it’s because of fear and worry. I must admit that I am really bombarded with the things that I have to accomplish as a professional and as a student. After this week, I will be facing the reality of my loads and deadlines. I am fully aware of everything; however, it’s like my mind is willing to work and finish everything but my body refuses. It’s really a struggle everytime these two are in complete disagreement. With these, doubt starts to linger in my heart, asking me, “Can you finish everything before Monday?” Then fear and worry are working together to put me down.
Nevertheless, it’s just amazing how conscience moves in my life every time I am feeling such negativity. I read a chapter from the book, “Everyday Deserves a Chance” by Max Lucado hoping to gain new insight in this life; and it never failed me.
“An hour is too short, a year too long. Days are the bite-size portions of life, the God-designed segments of life management.” And I agree with this statement. It’s a good thing that God has given as 24-hours to manage… one day at a time. Perhaps, He’s giving us the opportunity to enjoy our day and make it perfect. However, in reality, there are moments when we are missing the opportunity to enjoy a specific day. Max offered the following things for us to keep in mind as we face our day:
1. You no longer have yesterday. Well, it’s true. There’s no chance of sleeping then waking up in the same date, right? Yesterday will always be a yesterday… a portion of our past.
2. You do not yet have tomorrow. Well, this speaks to me a lot. I always worry what will happen in the future and forgetting what lies for me in that moment. Perhaps, it happens to you, as well. You can’t spend tomorrow’s life-benefits today for time will come, you will never have enough for tomorrow.
3. Live in it. Give your today a chance. Live in it. If the Lord has given us a 24-hour day to manage, manage it well. Make your day perfect in your own expectation. Do it everyday and imagine what will happen for the rest of the year…. amazing, isn’t it?
May the song of the psalmist be the song of our hearts every single day… “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Have a perfect day ahead! Shalom.
Battlefield
“I’m in a battlefield, and it looks like the enemy is winning. I am wounded and I am on my knees. I have bruises and I can feel my own blood running through my dirty face; this blood covers up my eyes. I can’t see!
I’m in a dilemma. I am confused. How will I be able to win? Do I need to get up, take my sword and trust my own senses to win this battle that I have been fighting for all this time? Or should I trust the voice that’s been convincing me to trust and listen to Him ever since this battle began?
It seems that every battle is really a do or die one. I want to believe that I am not afraid to die. Whether I live or die, one thing is on my mind: that I have fought a good fight, that I have finished this race, and I have kept my faith. Yes, surely I’ll die but my death is just a beginning of something better. This is just a beginning of something greater.”
Whatever kind of battlefields you’re undergoing right now, never forget their purpose: to test, to toughen, and to teach. Many times, a true victor is pronounced not on how much strength he has showed in public but how much courage he has exerted in private.
Yesterday’s Junks
But if I let these dreams die,
If I lay down all my wounded pride,
If I let these dreams die,
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive?
So empty my hands, fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You (Tenth Avenue North, Empty My Hands)
Life is a game. We find joy in every triumph thus will make us pursue more victories. The more victories we have, the more pride we achieve. However, alongside, we can also learn sadness in every lost battle and whether we accept it or not, we hate to lose. Who wants it, by the way? That’s why people are trying so hard to win over their yesterday’s junks.
Nevertheless, we cannot hold on to these “junks” forever for once in our life, we have to let go of these so that we can hold another opportunity to win. But what can we do if all the people around tell us to give up or to stand up and push us to take revenge? One thing I’ve learned from this life: we cannot allow people dictate the course of our life. But what we can do is to fix our eyes on Jesus who leads us and makes our faith complete (Hebrews 12:2).
In this game of life, one thing is necessary that is, we should know whose voice we’re listening to.
Disruption
Met by disruption and now lost
Being lost causes wander;
Disruption brings destruction
But destruction causes reconstruction.
Disruption tests competence
But competence gets confused.
Disruption disturbs silence
Now silence wants to screech.
Disruption visits absence
Now absence causes sadness.
Sadness now wonders,
Will disruption come to ponder?
Just a 10-year-old
A sweet and dear child of mine, perhaps a 10-year-old kid, always asks me this question whenever he has the opportunity, “Do you already have the love of your life???” And many times, I’ll just smile nicely to him and answer, “No, I don’t.” Then, he’ll insist to find one for me.
Then, one day, I can’t help but to ask him, “Why do you always ask me that question and what kind of person do you wish me to have?” He gave me a simple answer but left a remarkable impact on me, “…the one who’s going to love you forever.” Then, I was silent for a long time…
Many times, I tend to think that love is a choice; though I know that it is also an emotion, I would always love to stick to my belief that IT IS A CHOICE because I am just fully aware that time will come when the emotion will fade away and all we have is the choice whether to love or not to love at all. However, a 10-year-old boy was used to remind that although love is a choice, as a typical human being, there’s a very deep longing within me to feel that love and to do that love; and perhaps, all human beings like me have that kind of longing, too. Thus, it gives me an awesome admiration for those people who have finally found the love of their lives and it makes me whisper, “I hope that that love that they have – whether an emotion or a choice – may last forever…”
After a long pause, I answered him back, “Well, if that’s the case, then, THAT PERSON IS WORTH WAITING FOR.”
Beyond His Looks
I was once asked before, “What makes a male, male?” To answer that question, I spent seven days to reflect. I looked upon my own encounter with men, reviewed my past studies including my biblical image about ’em, and observed men using the lens of the present times. Then, I answered, “For me, a male is truly male if he has a sense of responsibility and proper disposition…” Then, I continued with great frustration, “however, it’s very hard to find such person.” But before this day ends, I realize, I was wrong… because I met one.
Undoubtedly, this person has good looks; he drives a car, knows to handle himself in public, “life” of the party, perhaps, has a good sense of humor… in short, he has a pleasing personality. Though these things really matter, I think there’s a missing element. Actually, the first time I saw him, I told myself, “What’s the use of looks if you’re too shallow on things that really matter?” However, after talking with him for almost three hours, I realize that he’s really a male… beyond his looks.
Sense of Responsibility
- Being responsible means doing our tasks, faithfully, though there would be a lot of criticisms even from people who are so dear to us.
- Being responsible means you know when to take over and when to move out of the scenario.
- Being responsible means you don’t know all things but you are willing to take control of your actions or lack of actions.
Proper Disposition
- You don’t need to defend yourself to everyone; you just have to know your ground and act.
- You cannot run the race of other people; so, run yours.
- You can’t know everything; so, at least, know “vicarious” learning.
I know he’s not perfect. I know he has a lot of limitations and flaws, and that I am just becoming subjective on this idea. But despite these things, I am glad that it’s not hard to find a person like him… and he just proved to me that such person exists and now, I am starting to believe that such men exist.
Flee
A heart with mind, that’s what you planted;
it knows exactly that I am attracted,
it knows exactly that I am affected,
it knows exactly that I almost fainted.
But haven’t I told you that I am not for this?
See that this so-called ‘heart’ is not at ease.
Could You do something, please?
To make this ‘thing’ at peace?
My soul cannot afford another heart break.
My heart cannot demand for another ‘soul mate’.
My mind cannot comprehend another love affair.
And my strength cannot endure such despair.
Tell me where to go away from his presence…
Tell me that I may know to conquer such pretense…
My heart beats, my soul weeps
Can’t ride any longer such trips.
-Puzzled
What Love is This?
“What love is this, that You gave Your life for me
And made a way for me to know You
And I confess You’re always enough for me
You’re all I need…” -Kari Jobe
“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.” (an excerpt from John 3:16-17, The Message)
I am always in awe at Your wonderful love that I can’t even measure… such a wonderful love that You’ve chosen me to treasure.
Everyone Needs a Little
Even Jesus Christ came to give us life and for us to live it to the fullest (John 10:10). So, don’t deprive yourself from the things that would free your soul from life’s frustrations, disappointments, and failures. Love your life and live it, meaningfully!
Unconditional Love for Pain
There’s a very deep pain inside of me, perhaps this is the same with anyone. A kind of pain which causes me to do a lot of stuffs just to get rid of it. I have denied it and thought that it never happened. I have tried to run away and hide. I have tried to keep myself busy and I even conditioned myself that I am already fine. However, that pain keeps on disturbing me. It keeps on recurring all over again ’til I find myself confused, distracted, alienated, and disappointed.
I asked the Lord to take it all away from me but He remained silent. I told Him that I am really broken and suffering, but He just looked at me with full empathy. I asked Him, “Why?” But He just hugged me to let me feel His love and acceptance. With great disappointment, I looked at Him in the eye then I saw what He wanted to say, “My child, here’s one truth that you have to know… there will always be a deep-level of pain inside you that only unconditional love can heal. Your own efforts will never be enough for I placed that pain inside you as a thorn in the flesh. A thorn that will cause you to come to Me for healing and for comfort. A thorn that will make you realize sympathy and empathy. A thorn that will make our relationship deeper and sweeter. And most of all, a thorn that will make you the person that I wanted you to be. You don’t have to worry; you simply have to trust me that someday you will hear this statement, “I love you just the way you are” and that statement will wipe away all deep-level of pains in your heart and replace it with joy and unconditional love just as I love you.”
Strength in Sorrow
You will enter into strength through sorrow. Sorrow is not the object; it’s simply the canal that the object comes though. Anytime you have sorrow, it is a sign that God is trying to get something through you and to you.
For every struggle in your life, God accomplishes something in your character and in your spirit. No matter what kind of pain you are holding, you have to release it just like a mother giving birth to a child. Pain doesn’t fall on its own. It’s got to be released. The same thing with us… we have to release the pain and get the promise that the Lord has prepared for us. But we can never claim that promise if we are too busy keeping and suppressing the pain inside us. Just let it go.
The past hurts; the pain is genuine. However, you must learn to get in touch with something other than your pain. If you do not have desire, you won’t have the tenacity to resurrect. Desire will come back. After the pain is over, desire follows, because it takes desire to be productive again.
-T.D. Jakes, author of Woman, Thou Art Loosed!
Stop Punishing Yourself
Have you ever had a feeling when it seems like God is very distant to you? How many times do you punish yourself by striving hard just to get a clear conscience out of your iniquities that cut His heart so deeply? And for you to push away all the guilty feeling and at the same time, the feelings of hurt, pain, and fears, you try to extend all your efforts by becoming “good” and “holy” with all your might. You begin by trying to prove that you are now a changed man after you repented and perhaps, it’s as if you start to believe unconsciously, reality speaking, that all of your “righteous practices” could wipe away the madness that He has against you. But in the end, you still feel that all your efforts will never be enough.
Perhaps, one of the reasons why we react and rationalize just like in the previous statements is because our love tends to be conditional. We pattern our relationship with the Lord with the kind of relationship we have with our fellow humans.
Nevertheless, I think, this is the time to draw a line from here. We have to understand that God looks at us, differently; far more different compared to how humans look at us. He always extends unconditional love despite our flaws, stubbornness, and hypocrisy. We don’t have to prove anything; He knows us inside and out. All we have to do is to pause for a while and listen as He says, “Son, I think you should cease striving by now and start to understand that I am God. I love you despite your imperfections. I am not mad at you anymore.”
“If we finally realize that God is not mad at us anymore, that’s the only time we’ll go for love and growth.” -Henry Cloud
Hold On
When you find a real and precious stone, you should hold on to it tightly. When you get tired, you can loosen up your grip but don’t let go…
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especially, if that real and precious stone refers to a one true love; for you will never know when you’ll be able to get it again or if you will be able to regain it for the second time around.
Stoic Heart
One thing that I appreciate about a stone is its hardness. A stone may be small like a mustard seed but once it gets into your eye, expect some infections. It can be so big, as well; big enough to take refuge from it and big enough to use it as a weapon against your foes.
Now, no matter how big or small a stone is, this small heart of mine desires to acquire such hardness. Hardness that makes it numb for things that don’t really matter anymore. Hardness that covers a soft spot against abuse and malpractice of emotions; and hardness that can only be softened by love… and nothing but pure love.
For no one can fully understand a man’s heart not even its steward. But fear not for God assures us that though the heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, like a puzzle that no one can figure out, it is God who searches the heart and examines the mind. He gets to the heart of the human. He gets to the root of things. He treats them as they really are, not as they pretend to be. (Jeremiah 17:9-10)
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