Stop Punishing Yourself
Have you ever had a feeling when it seems like God is very distant to you? How many times do you punish yourself by striving hard just to get a clear conscience out of your iniquities that cut His heart so deeply? And for you to push away all the guilty feeling and at the same time, the feelings of hurt, pain, and fears, you try to extend all your efforts by becoming “good” and “holy” with all your might. You begin by trying to prove that you are now a changed man after you repented and perhaps, it’s as if you start to believe unconsciously, reality speaking, that all of your “righteous practices” could wipe away the madness that He has against you. But in the end, you still feel that all your efforts will never be enough.
Perhaps, one of the reasons why we react and rationalize just like in the previous statements is because our love tends to be conditional. We pattern our relationship with the Lord with the kind of relationship we have with our fellow humans.
Nevertheless, I think, this is the time to draw a line from here. We have to understand that God looks at us, differently; far more different compared to how humans look at us. He always extends unconditional love despite our flaws, stubbornness, and hypocrisy. We don’t have to prove anything; He knows us inside and out. All we have to do is to pause for a while and listen as He says, “Son, I think you should cease striving by now and start to understand that I am God. I love you despite your imperfections. I am not mad at you anymore.”
“If we finally realize that God is not mad at us anymore, that’s the only time we’ll go for love and growth.” -Henry Cloud