Stranger in my Defense
We all have our own defenses in life… defenses which are built by pain, doubt, confusion, and fear. Don’t get it wrong. In fact, they aim to protect the person inside from being damaged. Who wants to get hurt easily, in the first place? Of course, no one. Even the plants and animals have their own defense mechanisms. However, no matter how tall, huge, and strong our defenses are in our own estimation, there will always come a time when these defenses are being penetrated by their own limitations.
Mine was penetrated by a stranger. Out of nowhere, she blocked me from putting another stone to fortify my defense. Nevertheless, as our conversation started to get a little bit deeper, I recognized that she’s not actually stopping me from building my wall unlike some other penetrators do. As we have our little chat, I have learned from her life that:
1. Defenses are a natural reaction when we’ve been hurt, especially a couple of times. Don’t get guilty about that; however, what matters most as you build your defenses is your ability to renew, encourage, and transform the person inside those defenses… and that person is YOU. You should not remain desolate and discouraged. If that’s the case, your defense is not a defense anymore but a cave of fear.
2. Not all penetrators seek to destroy; some can give comfort and support. Don’t be afraid to let some ‘strangers’ enter your place but of course, it requires great caution. For one, some would just want to take a look and pretend to be of help. But their sincerity is tested when chaos started to penetrate. These onlookers choose to take control of your defense instead of allowing and trusting you to be in-charge. In contrast, there are strangers who get attracted to your wall not just to pretend to help but because they know how to help. They know how to for in reality, they see their defenses on yours. They do not take control but they cheer your ability to control.
Indeed, “it takes a while to know a stranger,” as one movie says. As the journey of our lives is a stranger to us, help will always unfold its way to those who deserve it. As you fortify the defense of your life, make it also a place of comfort and peace to those who need it. For our broken lives should not remain as a place of desolation and destruction for in such a case, life can’t be called as ‘life’, instead, it should be a place of rebirth and renewal as what life really deserves.
Sharing a Little Heaven
Some people say that life is fair while others would raise their hands and testify that it isn’t and will never be fair; perhaps, it’s one good reason why there are certain people who would choose to have miserable lives… perhaps. But as for me, my experience that Sunday morning paved a way for me to understand something more in this life.
I was all dressed up to attend a usual Sunday mass. Before I leave our house, I made it sure that I am ready to face the great heat of this summer. I had a cool splash of clear water and the last thing that I put in my bag was my hand fan. Now, as I had approached a public non-air-conditioned vehicle, I noticed that there were things loaded inside of that vehicle which blocked the way of anyone getting in. In short, getting in was never easy, plus the tiny bits of sweat running through my body and face… they just slightly annoyed me.
As I found my seat, I admit that I was really irritated. I tried to figure out the things inside. There’s a wheelchair, next to it was an opened bag filled with dirty clothes, and there’s another huge bag just in front of me. Then I noticed that I was with people who most of them (maybe) were not yet taking their baths. They’re all sweating. So, just imagine the smell, if you were me… mind to say, we were 16 people inside that vehicle.
As I lifted up my head, I observed that there was a disabled person. I cannot figure out his illness. But I am certain that the person cannot walk nor talk. He’s also shaking. He was being accompanied by someone, his mother, I supposed. The woman was holding a tore cardboard piece which she used to fan him. While looking at them from time to time, my irritation lessened… eventually it was substituted by compassion. Then I thought, “Obviously, they never wanted to be in that situation. Who wants to be in it by the way? No one! But this life has been like that to them. I neither can point my finger upward and ask Him nor can point my finger at my neighbor and blame him. ‘Putting my shoe to theirs’ would feel like hell. Yeah… perhaps, it feels like hell for them. Worst scenario will be, if the father left them with nothing. What else can I do to make them feel a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world? ”
Then, I remembered my fan. It is larger than usual. I bought it in a fund-raising mission some months ago. I have to admit that all through my ride, I struggled to give it away. It is because the climate was really hot but more than that, I thought, ‘Would this be enough?’ Of course, the answer is no. However, the thought of a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world came up to my mind. And so, before I leave our stop and as I wait to hold the wheelchair and support it while the woman is transferring him, I made it sure that I would be able to give my fan away.
As I was continuing my travel to my destination, I was reflecting. For them, perhaps, life is unfair. There are some situations which we really can’t fully explain why they’re happening to us, especially to the ‘good ones’. But as for me by now, I realized… by sharing a little love to such people, we are giving them a little taste of heaven and a little taste that life could not always be unfair.
Hope in Brokenness
When I was a child, I always believe that love will always have a happy ending. I saw a lot of couples getting married with their longings being satisfied; reflected back from their seemingly undying smiles and laughter. And I knew that there’s a deep desire within me that longs to discover such magical feeling of satisfaction… finding and being with the one whom I love for the rest of my life.
However, now that I have grown old, I discover that love will always have its scratches, wounds, and scars which cannot be removed from the idea of a happy ending. In this life, it seems like happiness cannot exist without the idea of sadness, and sadness creeps in when the idea of happiness is absent. In this journey, I also have found out that not all love affairs are meant to be fixed. Meaning, there are relationships which are bound to be broken. It’s hard to accept it, I know… but that’s how reality works for some.
Despite these realities that I have observed in matters of love, I also notice that it’s a good thing that there’s always an offer of HOPE. As an eagle rises above the raging storm enjoying its pressure to glide and rest, hope rises above the level of uncertainty, rests in the middle of heartbreaks, and refreshes a worn-out person from a long and tiring journey. Indeed, a love affair that longs for a happy ending should acknowledge the purpose of hope in it, with it, and through it.
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