I had been in a series of romantic relationships, and it’s a lie to say that I did not get hurt, dumped, and rejected. I am also fooling myself if I say that my trust with men is flawless, blameless, and unbreakable. Actually, it’s the total opposite. After my break-ups, I used to see men (in generalization) as manipulators, liars, and users. [I’m sorry for those men reading this article. I might be hurting you for generalizing, but feel free to continue reading.]
And so, I really made this huge defense, metaphorically speaking, in front of me to protect myself from getting hurt the same way again. Defenses such as, avoiding to wear clothes that would make me look stunningly beautiful; fleeing from any conversation and proximity with a guy; pretending that I could do everything for myself without any help from someone, especially a guy; and even appearing to be ‘smart’ enough so that men would be intimidated to approach me.
At a certain point of time, I knew I was winning. Men could not get to me any closer. Simple ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ were enough to end any conversation. However, when reality strikes, it really strikes hard. The countless nights of tears and fears are too overwhelming. Truth is, companionship is one of the deepest desires of humanity, and I know I am not excused with it.
I have tried to prove that fate could be changed in me. However, I have learned that the more I act, oppositely, the more I lose myself, adversely. With all those defenses, I realize that they taught me how to lose myself, little by little. I was starting to lose my confidence, my hope, my connection, and my life to love; not until I understood that, establishing defenses to avoid getting hurt is as good as raising a white flag. It might somehow give you a sense of protection and connection, but its effect is frightening for fate is surrendered into the hands of a stranger who could be the worst traitor one could ever had.
From then on, I never looked upon men the same way again. As Les Miserables stated a simple yet powerful words, “to love another person, is to see the face of God”, my eyes have seen that men are as valuable, as loveable, as wonderful, as incredible, as indescribable, and as good as their Maker in their own and unique ways.