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Falling in Love (redefined)

Don’t go crazy looking for love; leonidAfremov.rainyLove
let love search for you.
Relax.
Falling in love is a reaction, not an action.
Let love make the first move. Then you respond.
That is why they say people fall in love.
Falling is effortless; that’s how love should be.
Climbing is tedious; that’s not how love should be.
Let someone melt the ground you stand on so you fall in love.
Don’t climb mountains just to find love.
That’s climbing —or cliff hanging—for love.
Mahirap. (Difficult)
Nakakapagod. (Tedious)
Bihirang magtagumpay. (Rarely Succeed)

 

 

-Ed Lapiz

The Trail

Months ago, I was totally rebuked harshly by one of my “friends”. He’s not new to me and because of the special kind of relationship I had with him, I openly accepted all of his accusations which were really true. But after that, I had chosen to stay away because I was really hurt by the words that he used.

I like going to different places; I like travelling and just last week, I had this rare privilege to join a 5-day Sagada trip. The journey was an 11 to 12-hour travel by land. It involved some sort of trekking, walking, gliding, and even climbing. I totally enjoyed the trip. We passed through an incredible cave for two hours which has cold water and huge beautiful rocks in it; trudged along cliffy mountains and a village’s rice terraces for almost an hour (one way only) just to get to a big waterfall called, “Bomod-ok”; and followed some mystery trails leading to some ancient hanging coffins.

Seemingly, it’s just easy for me to say these experiences but actually I really had undergone great struggle during the trip. I cannot take away the fact that I almost gave up from trekking along those dangerous cliffs. My breathing was not good; I didn’t undergo training nor get some cool advice from any experts. I got a lot of unnoticed bruises and wounds. However, I noticed that the more I conquered one great experience from another, the more I desire to achieve higher. And now, all I have are stories of my team’s conquer.

lumiang cave

This experience cannot stop me from relating it to my life’s learning. After reaching the peak of the mountain joyfully, exiting the dark cave safely, and seeing the coffins daringly, I realize all of our struggles have a great hold on us. They have the power to hold us forever if we let them to. Each trail is a mark of our experiences whether good or bad, happy or sad. Struggles will always be there for us as long as we live. As my knees trembled as I followed  the trail towards my destination and as my breath struggled as I fought the uselessness that I felt, hope victoriously emerged as I noticed that I have reached the peak, finished the course, and declared that I have won over my battle.

My friend is right with the words that he presented to me… that I was inconsistent, immature and so on and so forth. However, I’d like to personally thank him for telling me the truths about me though it hurts. I know that he’s been used by God to remind me who I was before and who I am now today. He’s been used to remind me of all the pains and struggles that I have been through just like what I had experienced in my trip, but what matters most is the person that I am now after all those terrible things that happened. Though I already have that undying pain caused by unforgettable events, nothing compares to God’s sovereignty in my life… how His saving grace has redeemed me from darkness and transferred me into His light, how His unconditional love has accepted me wholly and fully despite my ability to fail Him again and again, and how His tender and loving mercy has picked me up from the deepest pit that I’ve been through… With these, more mountains to conquer and more caves to master!

Clash

Don’t blame me for the miff inside

Don’t blame me for the waterworks in those eyes

A matter of choice, a mouthful of lies

Which of which truly reside?

converselove

I had just showed you a way;

You’ve fled, but you’ll come another day

You cannot run, nor can’t you hide

For reality takes your lonely stride.

-Heart

I Dream

I dream of a relationship that will make me laugh until I cry…
I dream of a relationship that can cry with me when my heart’s in terrible pain…
I dream of a relationship that simply love the world as it is and enjoy the benefits that we can receive from above…
I dream of a relationship that can simply hold my hand – nothing more, nothing less – but feels like it’s already holding the whole of me…
I dream of a relationship that will honor my family, my friends, and my God more than me…
I dream of a relationship that feels like heaven by his side…
I dream of a relationship that conquers all foes because its love is pure and sincere…
I dream of a relationship that’s persevering and responsible enough to make wise and sound decisions…
I dream of a relationship that can discover and accept the funny side of mine and even the nasty side I possess…
I dream of a relationship that knows how imperfect I am, yet still managed to make me feel special and complete…
closedEyesLady
I dream of a relationship that can just cry because no words are enough to contain the overflowing love he can bestow upon me…
I dream of a relationship where I can run and hide because of the security it can offer…
I dream of a relationship that doesn’t take advantage when I am weak nor feel inferior when I am strong…
I dream of a relationship that can say how much he needs me…
I dream of a relationship that can enjoy the loudness of this world and even the silence of our soul…
I dream of a relationship that can just simply look into my eyes and read the unspoken words they contain…
I dream of a relationship that will still choose me even the ecstasy of love diminishes…
I dream of a relationship that is more willing to sacrifice his own agenda just to be with me…
I dream of a relationship that I can enjoy even if the Author of this life takes away my life…
I dream of a relationship that finds it impossible to attain what I have written, yet still try to reach the unreachable…
Lastly, I dream of a relationship that will let me do everything I have mentioned above with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength…
 I dream.

Stranger in my Defense

We all have our own defenses in life… defenses which are built by pain, doubt, confusion, and fear. Don’t get it wrong. In fact, they aim to protect the person inside from being damaged. Who wants to get hurt easily, in the first place? Of course, no one. Even the plants and animals have their own defense mechanisms. However, no matter how tall, huge, and strong our defenses are in our own estimation, there will always come a time when these defenses are being penetrated by their own limitations.

standing at by the wall.jpgMine was penetrated by a stranger. Out of nowhere, she blocked me from putting another stone to fortify my defense. Nevertheless, as our conversation started to get a little bit deeper, I recognized that she’s not actually stopping me from building my wall unlike some other penetrators do. As we have our little chat, I have learned from her life that:

1. Defenses are a natural reaction when we’ve been hurt, especially a couple of times. Don’t get guilty about that; however, what matters most as you build your defenses is your ability to renew, encourage, and transform the person inside those defenses… and that person is YOU. You should not remain desolate and discouraged. If that’s the case, your defense is not a defense anymore but a cave of fear.

2. Not all penetrators seek to destroy; some can give comfort and support. Don’t be afraid to let some ‘strangers’ enter your place but of course, it requires great caution. For one, some would just want to take a look and pretend to be of help. But their sincerity is tested when chaos started to penetrate. These onlookers choose to take control of your defense instead of allowing and trusting you to be in-charge. In contrast, there are strangers who get attracted to your wall not just to pretend to help but because they know how to help. They know how to for in reality, they see their defenses on yours. They do not take control but they cheer your ability to control.

Indeed, “it takes a while to know a stranger,” as one movie says. As the journey of our lives is a stranger to us, help will always unfold its way to those who deserve it. As you fortify the defense of your life, make it also a place of comfort and peace to those who need it. For our broken lives should not remain as a place of desolation and destruction for in such a case, life can’t be called as ‘life’, instead, it should be a place of rebirth and renewal as what life really deserves.

Sharing a Little Heaven

Some people say that life is fair while others would raise their hands and testify that it isn’t and will never be fair; perhaps, it’s one good reason why there are certain people who would choose to have miserable lives… perhaps. But as for me, my experience that Sunday morning paved a way for me to understand something more in this life.

I was all dressed up to attend a usual Sunday mass. Before I leave our house, I made it sure that I am ready to face the great heat of this summer. I had a cool splash of clear water and the last thing that I put in my bag was my hand fan. Now, as I had approached a public non-air-conditioned vehicle, I noticed that there were things loaded inside of that vehicle which blocked the way of anyone getting in. In short, getting in was never easy, plus the tiny bits of sweat running through my body and face… they just slightly annoyed me.

As I found my seat, I admit that I was really irritated. I tried to figure out the things inside. There’s a wheelchair, next to it was an opened bag filled with dirty clothes, and there’s another huge bag just in front of me. Then I noticed that I was with people who most of them (maybe) were not yet taking their baths. They’re all sweating. So, just imagine the smell, if you were me… mind to say, we were 16 people inside that vehicle.

As I lifted up my head, I observed that there was a disabled person. I cannot figure out his illness. But I am certain that the person cannot walk nor talk. He’s also shaking. He was being accompanied by someone, his mother, I supposed. The woman was holding a tore cardboard piece which she used to fan him. While looking at them from time to time, my irritation lessened… eventually it was substituted by compassion. Then I thought, “Obviously, they never wanted to be in that situation. Who wants to be in it by the way? No one! But this life has been like that to them. I neither can point my finger upward and ask Him nor can point my finger at my neighbor and blame him. ‘Putting my shoe to theirs’ would feel like hell. Yeah… perhaps, it feels like hell for them. Worst scenario will be, if the father left them with nothing. What else can I do to make them feel a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world? ”

fan_bag.jpg

Then, I remembered my fan. It is larger than usual. I bought it in a fund-raising mission some months ago. I have to admit that all through my ride, I struggled to give it away. It is because the climate was really hot but more than that, I thought, ‘Would this be enough?’ Of course, the answer is no. However, the thought of a little heaven in this ‘hell-like’ world came up to my mind. And so, before I leave our stop and as I wait to hold the wheelchair and support it while the woman is transferring him, I made it sure that I would be able to give my fan away.

As I was continuing my travel to my destination, I was reflecting. For them, perhaps, life is unfair. There are some situations which we really can’t fully explain why they’re happening to us, especially to the ‘good ones’. But as for me by now, I realized… by sharing a little love to such people, we are giving them a little taste of heaven and a little taste that life could not always be unfair.

Hope in Brokenness

When I was a child, I always believe that love will always have a happy ending. I saw a lot of couples getting married with their longings being satisfied; reflected back from their seemingly undying smiles and laughter. And I knew that there’s a deep desire within me that longs to discover such magical feeling of satisfaction… finding and being with the one whom I love for the rest of my life.

 However, now that I have grown old, I discover that love will always have its scratches, wounds, and scars which cannot be removed from the idea of a happy ending. In this life, it seems like happiness cannot exist without the idea of sadness, and sadness creeps in when the idea of happiness is absent. In this journey, I also have found out that not all love affairs are meant to be fixed. Meaning, there are relationships which are bound to be broken. It’s hard to accept it, I know… but that’s how reality works for some.

Despite these realities that I have observed in matters of love, I also notice that it’s a good thing that there’s always an offer of HOPE. As an eagle rises above the raging storm enjoying its pressure to glide and rest, hope rises above the level of uncertainty, rests in the middle of heartbreaks, and refreshes a worn-out person from a long and tiring journey. Indeed, a love affair that longs for a happy ending should acknowledge the purpose of hope in it, with it, and through it.

baby 7

Genuine Masculinity

“To be spiritually masculine, men should know the balance of their receptivity and vulnerability.” -James Nelson

cry

Receptivity refers to the ability to accept feedback and criticisms from other people and being open for development. Vulnerability is one’s skill to accept weakness and the reality that he’s also in need.

Men, your genuine masculinity will never be measured on how huge your muscles are nor how strong you punch… how many girls you date out with nor how many of them cried… how long you hold back your tears nor how good you care for those at risk. But it will be proven on how “gentle” you are to the ones in need regardless or their ages, sexes, and status in your community.  Your masculinity will also be tested on how open you are for correction and how long you can commit to a serious relationship. It’s like you are being open to be your true and loving self despite the fact that this hostile world endorses its own definition of masculinity. Try not to be persuaded by it.  Be the best and true masculine that you can be! Shalom.

Everyday Deserves a Chance

Happy New Year!

Whether you believe it or not, I just spent my New Year’s eve trying to ignore the loud noise brought by fireworks and loud music. I was in bed trying to fall asleep as if I was not hearing anything (even my mom’s call). I missed the beauty of fireworks and I missed the opportunity to enjoy what life brought me at that moment. All I know, something’s hindering me from celebrating that blessed midnight.

Then as I recall, perhaps it’s because of fear and worry. I must admit that I am really bombarded with the things that I have to accomplish as a professional and as a student. After this week, I will be facing the reality of my loads and deadlines. I am fully aware of everything; however, it’s like my mind is willing to work and finish everything but my body refuses. It’s really a struggle everytime these two are in complete disagreement. With these, doubt starts to linger in my heart, asking me, “Can you finish everything before Monday?” Then fear and worry are working together to put me down.

coffee
Nevertheless, it’s just amazing how conscience moves in my life every time I am feeling such negativity. I read a chapter from the book, “Everyday Deserves a Chance” by Max Lucado hoping to gain new insight in this life; and it never failed me.

“An hour is too short, a year too long. Days are the bite-size portions of life, the God-designed segments of life management.” And I agree with this statement.  It’s a good thing that God has given as 24-hours to manage… one day at a time. Perhaps, He’s giving us the opportunity to enjoy our day and make it perfect. However, in reality, there are moments when we are missing the opportunity to enjoy a specific day. Max offered the following things for us to keep in mind as we face our day:

1. You no longer have yesterday. Well, it’s true. There’s no chance of sleeping then waking up in the same date, right? Yesterday will always be a yesterday… a portion of our past.

2. You do not yet have tomorrow. Well, this speaks to me a lot. I always worry what will happen in the future and forgetting what lies for me in that moment. Perhaps, it happens to you, as well. You can’t spend tomorrow’s life-benefits today for time will come, you will never have enough for tomorrow.

3. Live in it. Give your today a chance. Live in it. If the Lord has given us a 24-hour day to manage, manage it well. Make your day perfect in your own expectation. Do it everyday and imagine what will happen for the rest of the year…. amazing, isn’t it?

May the song of the psalmist be the song of our hearts every single day… “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Have a perfect day ahead! Shalom.

Just Hold On

I have experienced a week of  depression and sadness; afterwards, I asked myself, “Have I learned anything?”, ”Did I chase the wind?”, “Can I survive this battlefield?”. Actually, I almost lose hope until the Father moved in my life and He said to me, “I have divine appointments for you… just trust Me for I will not leave you and I have set good things for you.”

Certainly, God has not given us trials that we cannot overcome. We just need to endure and make prayers to the Father God. The Father just wants us to trust in Him.

For we need to endure these things. Soon enough, we will get through this with a smile and say, “Father, thanks… for You have not left me when I needed You, You have saved me when I was in the depth of my sin. Father, thank You for You are really good and Your mercy endures forever! I have endured to pass this battlefield.”

I was able to pass a week of hardship and now, it’s a new day. We need to forget yesterday’s junks and proceed to face this new battlefield ahead of us.

Everyone who wants to live a godly life in union with Christ Jesus will be persecuted…“ 2 Timothy 3:12

But remember:

Be glad about this, even though it may now be necessary for you to be sad for a while because of the many kinds of trials you suffer…“ 1 Peter 1:6

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